As a teenager, the likelihood of exposing to drugs and alcohol is very high, and there is a good chance that you will try drugs and alcohol. Even though you tell yourself that you will only try drugs once, you do it one more time, and then one more time after that, and before you know it you are developing a drug problem. One of the consequences of drug and alcohol abuse is addiction. Most teens don''t think that they will become addicted, and simply use drug and alcohol to have a good time. However, the reality of addiction to drugs and alcohol can result in some pretty undesirable consequences, such as loss of friendships, health problems, behavioral problems, alienation of family, and a loss of interest in sports, academics, hobbies, etc.

    Substance abuse and addiction can greatly alter behavior, and a new preoccupation with drugs can crowd out activities that were previously important, like sports or academics. Abuse of drugs and alcohol can also change friendships, as teens begin to move away from old friends who don''t approve of their drug use and begin to associate with fellow drug users who will encourage and support one other''s drug use. Most teens who are addicted won''t see a problem with their behavior or their drug use. Drugs make them feel good, and are a way to relieve the stress of school, problems at home, disagreements with friends, etc.

    Teenage drug addiction is one of the most common problems faced by parents in the country today. Studies show that about 36 percent of teenagers in the United States are hooked different forms of illegal drugs and about one-half of American teenagers are most like to experiment on drugs before they graduate from high school. This rate is really alarming considering that many of these young people are not really aware of the negative impacts of drug addiction in their bodies. More often than not, these kids just want to have some fun that?s why they take drugs. Most these teenagers who experiment on drugs do so due to peer pressure. According to experts, young people who want to belong to ?in? crowd at school experiment on drugs to be accepted by their peers. Unfortunately, a single experiment could lead to drug addiction and a lot of troubles. In some extreme cases, these experiments can cause the loss of lives. If you are one of those parents who have teenagers at home, here are some things that you can do to stir your kid away from drug addiction.

    Friends can have tremendous influence on your kid. To stir you kid away from drug addiction and other troubles, find out about your kid?s friends. Do this is a discreet and non-invasive way. Always remember that teenagers can be quite protective of their privacy. Instead of asking your kid about his or her friends, throw a barbecue party and ask your kid to invite some of his or her friends. Inviting your kid?s friends over to the house is the best way to get to know them better. You may also encourage the kids to hang around the house every now and then so that you can observe them without really appearing too nosy or something.

    Being engaged in some worthwhile activities can help keep your kid away from drug addiction. If your kid is interested in some worthwhile hobby, support him or her. Make him or her feel that you are genuinely interested in what he or she is doing. For instance, if your kid in interested in sports, encourage him or her to join sports activities at school or in your community. Note that if you kid is preoccupied with something; he or she will have less chances of associating with undesirable people. Moreover, if your kid is into team activities, he or she will not only develop physically, he or she will also improve socially and emotionally.

When it comes to the family suffering, there are a number of ways a family suffers with the addict. According to a study, about one third of the families in the United States have at least one member in the family with a substance abuse problem. About one-fourth of this problem exists in nuclear family. In such families, there are more chances of divorce, domestic violence, anxiety, child abuse, depression and general medical problems.

When an addict & the whole family gets into the recovery mode, many effects of depression are supposes to go away in a couple of years. However, there needs to be an active participation from the addict, the family & the recovery professional.

It may be quite difficult to deal with addiction in the family as it?s hard to see a family member in trouble but one needs to be strong enough to cope up with such troubles. The most important thing to remember is that there are many important issues to explore as soon as someone in your family requires help. First, you need to make out whether you are contributing to the core problem or working towards eliminating it.

Here are certain contributions you may be making to increase the problem:

? Making yourself believe that you are responsible for the whole scenario rather than caring for yourself.

? Getting judgmental towards the addicted person.

? Concealing the addict?s behavior & covering up for them.

? Doing certain things for the addict that they require to carry out all by themselves.

? Accepting your lack of control & giving up after some trials.

? Paying attention to your feelings & needs rather than taking care of the addict.

Here are certain important facts that you must know regarding how to deal with addiction:

? The family must suggest some actions to the addict that are required to help him get out of the addiction.

? Individual counseling also works really well with the addict. Here, a professional puts an effort to provide some cool tips to get out of the situation and fight addiction bravely.

? People who are fighting against a drug or alcohol addiction, a variety of detox treatments are suggested and these treatments may be conducted in a hospital, specific clinic or even a treatment facility.

? Certain types of addiction also require adept or special type of medication. For instance, a drug called nicorette helps a lot to those addicted to smoking.

? One can also contact self recovery groups where special help is provided to addicts. Addicts are taught how to recover & maintain their self esteem here.

? Different types of out-patient facilities are also available where the addict is provided adept treatment. He needs to visit where facilities regularly in order to meet their program expectations.

The task of helping an addict overcome his problem may be difficult but with hard work & determination, it is possible.

Although withdrawing from family is a normal part of adolescence, an extreme and sudden withdrawal from both family and friends can be one of the effects of drug addiction in your teen. If you have noticed that your teen has become even more sullen and withdrawn than usual, you may want to talk to them (or at least try to) about what they are experiencing. A lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities can also be one of the effects of drug addiction in teens. If your teen was once active in his or her school, church, or community, and suddenly shows little or no interest in these activities, it may be a sign that he or she is battling the effects of drug addiction.

A sudden and extreme weight loss is also one of the effects of drug addiction in teens. Even though this may have roots stemming from an eating disorder, rapid weight loss is usually indicative of drug use; and you should get your teen into the doctor as quickly as possible. Even if your teen?s sudden weight loss is not due to the effects of drug addiction, it may have a serious underlying cause, and should be treated immediately.

Again, although every teen will typically experience a decline in their grades during their high school years, a sharp drop on your teen?s report card can be one of the effects of drug addiction. As can a sudden lack of interest in their part time jobs, or even just getting out of bed in the morning. If you think that your teen is experiencing any of the effects of drug addiction, it is imperative that you get him or her help as early as possible. All too often parents put off trying to help their teens until it is too late, purely out of the fear of being rejected. Just remember that you are the parent, and if counseling or admission into a drug rehabilitation center is what your child needs, then it is up to you to make certain that he or she gets it. Although the effects of drug addiction can be quite frightening when they present themselves in your child, catching them early and taking action now can save your teen from a life of addiction.

Bonnie, a mother in Mission Viejo, contacted me because she was upset with both her husband and teenage son. She twice caught her son in possession of marijuana. Each time he insisted he was “holding it for a friend.” Dad believed the story—both times. Bonnie is convinced if he’s holding it, he’s probably using it. If he’s not, it won’t be long before he does. One can only imagine the arguments in her home.

Mom feels she needs more evidence to satisfy dad. A simple test can confirm her suspicions and gain dad’s support. However, she will have to go it alone. Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to approach this. Teens, and some parents, usually will feel offended when their privacy is being invaded. But there are ways to use a drug test to set a boundary. I advised her to inform her son the next time he’s caught he will have to make a choice.

Either he will go with her to a clinic for a drug test, or she will call the police and have him explain it to them. These choices will cause conflict with dad, yet her options are limited. If Bonnie is worried dad will be offended, perhaps he needs to be. Offending him may be the only way to motivate him. His cooperation is crucial to helping their son. I’ve witnessed lesser issues that caused more damage within a family. I told Bonnie this one is worth the risk.

If her son’s test is positive, there will be evidence to gain dad’s support and seek counseling or treatment. If her son refuses to cooperate, mom and dad should attend counseling together and devise a plan they can both live with. Joining a parent support group such as Tough Love is a good idea. These types of organizations give parents direction and hold them to their commitments to their children.

I would discourage using over the counter drug testing kits for two reasons. First, it is emotionally difficult to test your own child. Secondly, most parents don’t know how to respond to test results, be it positive or negative.
For around $50 you can have a professional counselor conduct the test, and walk you through the difficult process. If the test results are positive, the counselor can provide your family with a plan. If the results are negative, the counselor can assist in debriefing your immediate feelings and recommend some trust building strategies. This process just won’t happen with an over-the-counter drug test.

If you’re concerned for your child and you’re considering drug testing, but are worried about how to go about it log onto www.teensavers.com or call 714-288-9779. My final thought on drug testing your child is that offending your family is not the worst thing that can happen. Not testing your child when you are suspicious could be.

Contact: timchapman.csac@gmail.com

Marty respects the fact that Dad is loyal to his career, but feels Dad’s career is more important than he is. Marty subconsciously disrespects his father. Even if he could, he would be hard pressed to articulate his feelings to a dad who does not communicate. Marty’s feelings are projected in a way that demands Dad’s attention — poor grades. One thing for sure, fail in school and you will have a conversation with Dad.
Dad cannot stand “failures.” He was raised by an overpowering, angry father, who pounded “hard work and ethics” into his head. His father was also physically abusive. Unfortunately, “intimacy” was excluded from Dad’s own childhood. Dad swore off treating his own children the same way his father treated him, and from a behavioral standpoint, he succeeded. While he has never been physically abusive to his children, he has emotionally distanced himself from his family the same way his father did.

Marty fears his father, yet is failing at him. He is unable to tell his father how he feels; it is not safe or natural for him to do so. Instead, he “acts out” his feelings at school and the consequence of misbehaving is the only connection he has with his father. This is dysfunctional, but nevertheless, he gets Dad’s attention.

When Marty succeeds, Dad praises him. He then performs well in school, sports and just about anything he sets out to do. On the other hand, if he is not “successful,” his father punishes Marty with silence. This is when he fails at things that normally come easy to him, and while this passive-aggressive behavior is predictable nobody addresses it. This is not simply a problem between Marty and his father; it is a family issue.

Mom and Connie live in their own fantasy world together. They refuse to recognize that they live with an emotionally absent husband and father. They stick together like two Eskimos in a snowstorm, yet they leave Marty alone to fend for him self.

Mom should take the lead here because she is the one who married the emotionally absent father. She needs to tell Dad what his behavior is doing to the family. She should seek counseling for the entire family, not just Marty, the kid with the “symptoms.”

Marty has a chance at a relationship with his father if his mother intervenes. This will mean risking arguments or more silence by Dad. However, if something does not change for this family, Marty will be doomed to recreate the same scenario with his own children.

Although this may not appear to be an opportunity to create intimacy, it is! Intimacy only comes with emotional risk. Intimacy is not a gift, it is a skill.

Tim Chapman is director of Teensavers.com in Orange County.
Contact the writer at: timchapman.csac@gmail.com

Parents who answer “yes” to this question often fall into a trap. For instance, when supervising their homework by standing over their teens’ shoulders and then helping to complete it, they are creating the false sense they have control over them for their own good. It truly is an illusion, because while your teen is conforming, two possible negative reactions are forming in their minds. First, teens will become resentful of their parents control. Secondly, teens don’t accept credit for the accomplishment. Even if they do, the parent shares ownership of it. A repeated pattern of this behavior breeds co-dependency, never self-sufficiency. This result is the exact opposite of what parents who use control over their teens think they are accomplishing.

The more accurate answer to parents’ question of responsibility is, “No. You are responsible to them.” By the time children enter adolescence, parents role is to encourage, influence, and monitor. At this stage in your adolescent’s life, your influence is more effective than your ability to control. The sooner parents recognize this, the sooner they become more productive in positively influencing their teen.

In the long run, it might be healthier to allow the teen to face the natural consequences of not finishing an assignment. I’m not recommending parents avoid working with their teen, just don’t do their work for them. Let them know it’s important they do their homework and you are available to help, if you can. Set your boundaries by letting them know you will only remind them twice.

Keep in mind that I am referring to teenagers, not children. For children, it’s best to work alongside them on their homework, again, being careful not to do it for them. This will assist children in developing interests as well as important study skills for their future.

When children transition into adolescence and they have not developed self-discipline or study skills, mom and dad may be the least productive motivators. The best teacher is the natural consequence created by the teen’s behavior. Consequences might include study hall, lower grades, parent-teacher conferences, having to stay after school to complete assignments, or the dreaded summer school. Although it may be an inconvenience for parents to attend disciplinary conferences, it can help motivate the teen.

At this stage it’s vital a parent avoid controlling strategies and use positive influence instead. First, make sure your teen goes to the conference; after all it is their consequence. Second, agree with the teacher on a specific plan of action including what’s expected of you and your teen. Third, follow your part of the plan; this models good behavior. Finally, allow your teens to fail or succeed. If they fail, the consequences have been predetermined and agreed upon.

When you allow them to fail with dignity and to learn from natural consequences you are assisting them along the path to mature adulthood. That’s what all parents want. And that’s why parents should never cross the fine line between helping and controlling.

While there are no clear-cut answers to this there are certain characteristics that I believe help make-up an emotionally healthy family:

• Vulnerability – The family atmosphere allows for each other to be vulnerable. Family members argue, disagree, and are allowed to express differing viewpoints. However, nobody is judged by how they FEEL. Feelings are not interpreted as thoughts of ideas and therefore not judged. Home is a safe place to be yourself.
• Imperfection – Family members are not exposed to ridged rules and expectations. They are not expected to be perfect. A healthy family allows for imperfection and embraces and supports each other when mistakes are made.
• Immature – Family members are not expected to have all the answers. They are allowed to let down their guard at home and be “child like” from time-to-time.
• Worthiness – Healthy families exude and model attitudes of worthiness. They treat each other respectfully, and in instances where they fail to do so, they admit it and apologize for undermining one’s feelings of self-worth.
• Spontaneous – Healthy families allow for spontaneity. They aren’t governed by lengthy pre-planned vacations or other events. They leave room for each member (young and old) to contribute to changing of plans, ideas or acting (at times) on the spur of the moment.
• Curiosity – You never hear “curiosity killed the cat” in a healthy family. Their very foundation is based learning and embracing new things. They encourage each other to take reasonable, emotional risks.
• Dependent – Healthy families are inter-dependent, rather than co-dependent to each other. They trust one another and count on each other to protect the family unit. Family members do not feel an obligation, guilt or shame by being loyal to one another; they feel proud and privileged to be part of.
• Needy – It’s okay to feel needy in a healthy family system. Those that do are acknowledged and the family looks for ways to meet each others’ needs as opposed to exposing one’s vulnerability to the outside world which many times can create a “shame base” at the very foundation of the family.
• Valuable – Each member of a healthy family believe they have value and their contributions (regardless of size) are acknowledged and validated as valuable. Healthy families don’t use language that devalues another member.

Finally, in general a healthy family has what I call a “Lifespark,” an enthusiasm for life and each other. And at times when it’s not burning bright, they get together and figure a way to keep it lit.

Where does your family rate according to my thoughts?

Contact Tim at 714-288-9779 or email him at timchapman.csac@gmail.com

Painkiller, stimulant, sedative and tranquilizer medications were among the prescription drugs most frequently abused by teens, according to the study. Painkillers are most popular among younger teens, while stimulants are more popular among older teens, the study found. Girls are slightly more likely to engage in prescription drug abuse than boys.

There is perhaps a feeling of comfort and safety with the idea of using prescription medications, because the drugs do have legitimate users. It may not seem like a terrible thing to teens because prescription drugs are widely available in household medicine cabinets. For that reason, it may seem much better than heroin. However, opioids are used in painkillers just as in heroin, and kids need to know that.

Doctors prescribe medicine and dosage based on a person’s individual needs. Without a proper prescription and physician directions, it is not appropriate for anyone to take prescription drugs. Honest, open conversation is the best way to educate kids about the dangers of prescription drug abuse, and probably at an earlier age than most parents would consider. Each day offers “teachable” moments to talk with kids about the dangers of abusing prescription drugs and other substances, and encourage kids to ask questions.

Painkillers and antidepressants are among the most commonly abused substances. Painkillers have even been sold on the street at drastically increased prices for a number of years. Inhaling any chemical packaged in an aerosol can has also become a fast, cheap high for teens – and at alarmingly young ages. Inhalants and prescription drugs are particularly dangerous for young teens because of their ready availability around the house.

Standard drugs like cocaine, methamphetamine and marijuana spiked in the 1970’s and are still popular today, though considerably less so. Parents should have honest, open conversations with young teens and pre-teens about the trends and why kids try them. This will not only potentially warn the teens off of destructive behavior, but also open open up a pathway of open, honest and constructive communication between parent and child. They may be more likely, therefore, to address questions about serious issues like drugs to their parent before their peers. This is a critical tool in the war on drugs. It starts at home. Research has repeatedly shown that learning about drugs and their dangers from parents cuts a child’s risk in half of trying to get high, having a drastic effect on the teen drug use trend.

There are inpatient and outpatient facilities, after-school programs and summer camps. The options are many and widely diverse. Whereas with adults, successful drug rehabilitation usually first requires an admission that there is a problem requiring help, teens often lack the emotional maturity to do so. In the case of teen drug rehabilitation, there must be an impetus driving them to participate in drug rehabilitation. This is most often in the form of immediate consequences or punishment.

It may be that the court system offered the teen the option of avoiding jail time in exchange for successful completion of a drug rehabilitation program. It may be a parent threatening to remove privileges or impose punishments. There is a fine line to walk between tough parental love and potentially driving a rebellious teen further away, perhaps even out onto the streets. It may be appropriate for parent(s) to seek advice from a minister or licensed counselor or family therapist. Parent(s) should be willing to get involved, not only in their children’s lives to keep abreast of their daily activities, but also in the drug rehabilitation process. Therapy may require attendance by the parent(s) at times. Old family issues may be a driving force behind the teen drug abuse, so family therapy may be needed. Each situation must be weighed individually, regarding what type of drug rehabilitation and motivation is suitable.