What is a Healthy Family?
March 3rd 2008 11:31 am
Over the past 30-years I have been asked many times “what’s a healthy family?”
While there are no clear-cut answers to this there are certain characteristics that I believe help make-up an emotionally healthy family:
- Vulnerability – The family atmosphere allows for each other to be vulnerable. Family members argue, disagree, and are allowed to express differing viewpoints. However, nobody is judged by how they FEEL. Feelings are not interpreted as thoughts of ideas and therefore not judged. Home is a safe place to be yourself.
- Imperfection – Family members are not exposed to ridged rules and expectations. They are not expected to be perfect. A healthy family allows for imperfection and embraces and supports each other when mistakes are made.
- Immature – Family members are not expected to have all the answers. They are allowed to let down their guard at home and be “child like” from time-to-time.
- Worthiness – Healthy families exude and model attitudes of worthiness. They treat each other respectfully, and in instances where they fail to do so, they admit it and apologize for undermining one’s feelings of self-worth.
- Spontaneous – Healthy families allow for spontaneity. They aren’t governed by lengthy pre-planned vacations or other events. They leave room for each member (young and old) to contribute to changing of plans, ideas or acting (at times) on the spur of the moment.
- Curiosity – You never hear “curiosity killed the cat” in a healthy family. Their very foundation is based learning and embracing new things. They encourage each other to take reasonable, emotional risks.
- Dependent – Healthy families are inter-dependent, rather than co-dependent to each other. They trust one another and count on each other to protect the family unit. Family members do not feel an obligation, guilt or shame by being loyal to one another; they feel proud and privileged to be part of.
- Needy – It’s okay to feel needy in a healthy family system. Those that do are acknowledged and the family looks for ways to meet each others’ needs as opposed to exposing one’s vulnerability to the outside world which many times can create a “shame base” at the very foundation of the family.
- Valuable – Each member of a healthy family believe they have value and their contributions (regardless of size) are acknowledged and validated as valuable. Healthy families don’t use language that devalues another member.
Finally, in general a healthy family has what I call a “Lifespark,” an enthusiasm for life and each other. And at times when it’s not burning bright, they get together and figure a way to keep it lit.
Where does your family rate according to my thoughts?
Contact Tim at 714-288-9779 or email him at timchapman.csac@gmail.com
