To Test or Not To Test
March 3rd 2008 11:46 am
Drug abuse is epidemic among our youth, and parents often struggle with their suspicions about their kids. Are they or aren’t they using drugs? So it doesn’t surprise me that whenever I talk about the appropriateness of drug testing everyone has an opinion about whether they should use one or not. To athletes, students, airline pilots, taxi drivers and parents, drug testing is either an invasion of privacy or a commitment to safety. Increasingly, it’s imperative for employers to demand drug testing of their employees for the public’s safety, so also, I’m convinced, there are times when testing becomes an effective tool in the hands of a loving and concerned parent.
Bonnie, a mother in Mission Viejo, contacted me because she was upset with both her husband and teenage son. She twice caught her son in possession of marijuana. Each time he insisted he was “holding it for a friend.” Dad believed the story—both times. Bonnie is convinced if he’s holding it, he’s probably using it. If he’s not, it won’t be long before he does. One can only imagine the arguments in her home.
Mom feels she needs more evidence to satisfy dad. A simple test can confirm her suspicions and gain dad’s support. However, she will have to go it alone. Unfortunately, there’s no easy way to approach this. Teens, and some parents, usually will feel offended when their privacy is being invaded. But there are ways to use a drug test to set a boundary. I advised her to inform her son the next time he’s caught he will have to make a choice.
Either he will go with her to a clinic for a drug test, or she will call the police and have him explain it to them. These choices will cause conflict with dad, yet her options are limited. If Bonnie is worried dad will be offended, perhaps he needs to be. Offending him may be the only way to motivate him. His cooperation is crucial to helping their son. I’ve witnessed lesser issues that caused more damage within a family. I told Bonnie this one is worth the risk.
If her son’s test is positive, there will be evidence to gain dad’s support and seek counseling or treatment. If her son refuses to cooperate, mom and dad should attend counseling together and devise a plan they can both live with. Joining a parent support group such as Tough Love is a good idea. These types of organizations give parents direction and hold them to their commitments to their children.
I would discourage using over the counter drug testing kits for two reasons. First, it is emotionally difficult to test your own child. Secondly, most parents don’t know how to respond to test results, be it positive or negative.
For around $50 you can have a professional counselor conduct the test, and walk you through the difficult process. If the test results are positive, the counselor can provide your family with a plan. If the results are negative, the counselor can assist in debriefing your immediate feelings and recommend some trust building strategies. This process just won’t happen with an over-the-counter drug test.
If you’re concerned for your child and you’re considering drug testing, but are worried about how to go about it log onto www.teensavers.com or call 714-288-9779. My final thought on drug testing your child is that offending your family is not the worst thing that can happen. Not testing your child when you are suspicious could be.
Contact: timchapman.csac@gmail.com
