Runaway Teen
July 31st 2007 09:05 am
Dear Tim:
My 16-year old daughter has run away from home three times in her life. The first two times she came back home in a matter of hours, this time I’m worried. She hasn’t been home in three days and she hasn’t called. Rumor has it that she is staying with a boy at his mother’s house not far from here. Should I go over there? What do you suggest?
admin responded on 31 Jul 2007 at 9:06 am #
Worry is fear which is a healthy emotion. It’s okay to be worried, but certainly contact this boy’s mother. Be careful in the sense that this mother may have no idea what’s going on. She may have been led to believe that you are the problem, and perhaps you are a part of it. You should approach her in a rational, cordial manner. If you can “win her over” you can likely penetrate the kids’ defense and get your daughter home, after which, you can deal with the reasons surrounding her run away. Here are a few tips to follow:
1. Contact the boy’s mother and thank her for watching after your daughter. Do not approach her in an angry, fearful manner; this will only create belief that you are the problem.
2. Do not blame the mother or attack her son. This will only lead to resistance and opposition.
3. Tell the mother that you intend to bring your daughter home and discuss her concerns and remedies to any problems. Keep the mother’s son out of the conversation.
4. Thank her again when you get your daughter home.
If the boy is a big problem, you can address it after a “cooling off” period. However, the less his name comes up, the better. Kids become defensive when parents complain about their friends. Usually friends are not the most significant problem.
In your case, you need to examine why your daughter runs away in the first place. It could be a number of reasons, but the important thing is to listen to her, acknowledge her feelings about it and agree to look at your own part.